Professor: You know, I never wanted to be a head of department.
Lab members appear, wearing white coats and carrying micropipettes.
Postdoc: Really?
Professor: I only ever wanted to be…a biochemist! Leaping from bay to bay! Floating over the centrifuges as they separate rivers of supernatant. The Eppendorf 5810-R, the Sartorius Centrisart G16, the majestic Sorvall WX ultracentrifuge, the mighty Beckman Coulter Optima MAX-TL. The smell of fresh-dissected rat livers! The crash of breaking glassware! With my labmates by my side. We’d sing, sing, sing!
To the tune of Monty Python’s “Lumberjack song”:
Professor:
I’m a scientist and I’m ok,
I work in the lab all night and day.
Lab members:
He’s a scientist and he’s ok,
He works in the lab all night and day!
Professor:
I grind up cells, I spin them down, I do biochemistry.
Reconstitute in vitro, that’s my philosophy!
Lab members:
He grinds up cells, he spins them down, he does biochemistry.
Reconstitute in vitro, that’s his philosophy!
He’s a scientist and he’s ok,
He works in the lab all night and day!
Professor:
I grind up cells, I write up grants, I wield increasing power;
I dress in business clothing, and have meetings for hours!
Lab members:
He grinds up cells, he writes up grants, he wields increasing power;
He puts on business clothing…and has meetings for hours???
(pause, then brightly again)
He’s a scientist and he’s ok,
He works in the lab all night and day!
Professor:
I wear a suit, a shirt and tie, I chair committees now;
I wish I still did benchwork, but I’ve forgotten how!
Lab members:
He wears a suit…tie…committees?
Professor: (grasping a micropipette upside-down)
Now, how do you hold one of these things again?
[Don't let this happen to you!]
Originally posted on Total Internal Reflection - here.
Original image generated using MidJourney.